L.O.V.E.

I held the bouquet of silk flowers against the intricate lace of my dress, my body shaking uncontrollably. I wondered if it was the tightness of my bodice preventing me from breathing, or the fact that I was a child with a one in front of my age.

"I'm so proud of you," my father said, his eyes filling with tears. "My little girl is getting married today." His words had perplexed me. Proud? Of all the things I could have accomplished, apparently being a virginal teenage bride was at the top of the list.

Aside from my sister telling me that I didn't have to get married, after I had a complete meltdown the night before the wedding, no one had suggested that maybe I should wait until I had a two in front of my age. I'd been hormonal, boy-crazy, a little rebellious, and the way to subdue that, was for me to become somebody's wife. But did I really love the boy waiting at the end of the aisle, the one I'd only known for nine months? I was no longer sure.

We'd gotten engaged after only three months, with it taking place in my childhood bedroom. There I was in my flannel pajamas with morning breath and no make-up, surrounded by stuffed toys I'd struggled to let go of. The engagement had been a surprise for me, but for him, it had provided content, a funny story he could tell people when they asked how he'd popped the question. The proposal might not have been very grown up, but walking down the aisle had been, with me sobbing all the way down it. I was full of doubt as I locked eyes with my husband to be, but no one clued in, as I heard people in the church whisper, "Aw, look how much she loves him."

After pulling myself together, enough to speak, I repeated vows that included the words "death" and "obey" within them. Because I was a girl, I was told I'd be required to obey my husband, and as for death, that was the only way we were ever getting out of this marriage. Then the priest began breaking the letters off my favourite word. "Now remember," he said...

L is for loyalty

O is for obey

V is for virtue

E is for eternity

"R," I thought to myself "don't forget R. Please God, let this be right."