Entry 16: Career

I never really thought about a career growing up, because I was told the end of the world was coming. Yes, that was one reason the church discouraged higher education, but also, they knew that as soon as we were taught critical thinking, we'd "think" ourselves right out the church door for good.

Having witnessed my stay at home mom, and how unfulfilled she'd been, one thing I knew for sure, was that I was going to work full-time, even if I'd not been granted an education. What I wanted to do however, had been a question mark, with me forbidden to even meet with the high school counsellor. A year long course was the most my parents had offered to pay for, which was much more than most kids were offered within the religion. I thought about being a graphic designer or perhaps a make-up artist, but when the time came to graduate, I found myself even more confused. "You can't continue to live at home if you don't have a job," my Mom said. So, I began handing out resumes at the mall, until I'd secured a minimum wage retail job.

I was good at retail. I dealt with people well, I could upsell, and before long I found myself an assistant manager, following my manager from store to store, as her own career advanced. But, working weekends and evenings were tiring, alongside the hectic church schedule, so I followed my sister instead, and ended up in an insurance call center. First I was a receptionist, and then as a customer service representative., but then I received the dreaded call from my sister that something was wrong with Mom, and she wasn't responding, which put me on stress leave for the next nine months, as the depression and PTSD settled in from her suicide.

After that, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had a gap in my resume, and my confidence was wavering. Would I be able to rise up once again, and set my career back on track, whatever that might be? Then I received a phone call, from the same manager I'd worked for her in retail. She was now pregnant, and would be going on maternity leave in a few months. "I want you to take over my position while I'm on mat. leave," she said. The position was inside sales in a medical esthetic spa. "There's no one I trust more than you." And so after meeting with the doctor, I was hired within a few days, and once again my career on was back on track, or so I thought.

"You're the flavour of the month," one of the managers said, as we headed out to the mountains for an event. I had no idea what that even meant, only that I'd formed a wonderful relationship with my boss, who showered me with attention and praise. "Wait, you'll see." And she'd been right, within a few months my boss had turned on, just like she had every other staff member. She pitted staff against one another, she gossiped, she accused, and she lacked compassion and empathy. On New Year's Day, I lost my 90 year old grandma. As my sister and I sat in the hospital room with her on New Year's Eve, listening to her death gurgle, the nurses snuck in small glasses of prosecco, feeling especially bad for us. I hadn't been overly close to my grandma, as she hadn't been the nicest person growing up, but I still felt sad and cried when she took her last breath. Having stayed up over 24 hours waiting for her to die, had left me rundown and exhausted, and I ended up catching a flu afterwards. It was the only time I'd been forced to call in sick and miss work, too ill to even lift my head from the pillow.

When I came back to work, my boss was icy and cold. She'd put high and unrealistic expectations on everyone, and she'd been great at guilt trips. Mine, was taking time off after my grandma died. She'd even called my old manager who was still on maternity leave, asking her to come back early, as I wasn't cutting it. She told her I'd taken two weeks off work, which had been a blatant lie, and when I went into my boss' office and counted the days on the calendar with her, she refused to even glance at it. She was sticking to her story, even if it wasn't true. So, I quit, and decided to take my chances and find something else, and within a couple of weeks I'd landed a job in the staffing industry.

I was good at my job, I recruited well, and I was good at reading people. This was also the job where I'd go through my separation and divorce, and exit the church for good. Up to this point, I'd claimed nothing but happiness, flashing my diamond band I'd received for the 10 year milestone. It's what we were supposed to do, in order to make our religion appealing, and to try and recruit others. Only I was miserable, and now I had to tear off the facade and lay bare my truth. Surprisingly, it had been extremely freeing, and it was at this point that my close friendships began with people who weren't part of the church. This wasn't just my job but my community, and it would be here that I'd begin forming life long friendships.

I did this job for a few years before applying for a recruitment position in the energy sector, a small add printed in the newspaper. Within two weeks I was hired, launching me into my life long career as a manager within the industry. I'd not had an education, but I'd always been a fast learner, and it wasn't long before I had three employees under me, and a position in finance, overseeing the accounting department. I also had a wonderful boss, with us not only working together for close to 20 years before his retirement, but forming a close friendship as well. He took care of me the way a father would. He was generous, kind, complimentary, and together we pivoted through the ups downs of the industry. This company would become my safe space, within a life that didn't always feel safe and secure. It would also be the job where I'd grow the most on a personal level, becoming financially secure and purchasing my own home, forming friendships that would span 20+ years, experiencing romantic relationships and even exploring my spirituality.

Looking back, I would have never guessed this where I'd end up career wise, but everyday, I'm proud of what I've accomplished. It took one person to truly believe in me, when I didn't always believe in myself, and it took a strong work ethic and determination to sustain a 20 year career in an industry dominated by mostly men. I tell my employees, who happen to be all women, that anything is possible if you work hard enough, and I remind myself that it is only through kindness that they will rise up, just as I have. Most importantly, I am thankful for the life I've been given, even the hard parts, because without that, I wouldn't be where I am today.